Break Up With Your Boyfriend

I’m uncomfortable bringing this up. But I care about you, I want you to be happy, and I feel like I have to say my piece. Please hear me out and know if you do decide you’ve had enough, and want to leave your boyfriend, I’m here for you. I want the best for you, that’s all any of this is.

First of all, I feel like he’s using you. Everything seems like a one way street and it’s always about him.

He’s always telling people how great he is. Who does that? I think he’s really insecure.

He’s very self-involved. When was the last time he paid you a compliment? And not a backhanded one, like loving that you’re uneducated. Because he’s such a genius? (Don’t be mad at the messenger, he’s the one who said it, not me.)

I don’t like the way he talks to you. He’s always saying things that are blatantly untrue. Like he thinks you’re stupid and if he continues saying that thing – even if you see differently with your own two eyes, and hear with your fully intact ears – it will become true. He doesn’t seem to understand the physics of truth.

Nothing is ever his fault. He plays the victim while also posturing as a tough guy. How can you be tough and a victim? It comes off as pathetic.

He lashes out at people with claims of their misdoings, that always turn out to be something he’s done. For instance if he says “Your hair looks bad today” it’s because his hair looks bad that day. Or he calls you a name, like “monster” when really he is the one who is monstrous.

Some of us call him The Mirror Man. 1) Because he’s always staring at himself, fixing his hair and make up. And 2) because what he says about others is actually a reflection of himself.

I’ve noticed this other thing. He seems paranoid. According to him, everyone is out to get him. He almost seems to get off on the idea. Like it fuels him. He feeds off the idea that everyone is always thinking about him. Whether it’s good or bad. Which of course goes back to his ego. He always has to make himself the center of everything.

He’s never accountable for anything, doesn’t take responsibility. For instance you’ve told me you’re always footing the bill for things. Why doesn’t he pay? He’s always talking about how much money he has. Why are you bearing the burden of his debt?

He’s mad all the time. He plumbs the depths of the collective anger of any room he’s in and seems to thrive on stirring things up. It’s exhausting. And, it’s no fucking fun at all. Your boyfriend is a bummer.

I understand how you could have fallen under his spell. He was so brash, bold even, when he arrived on the scene. Crashed through your heart like his beloved stock market keeps threatening to do. He said things out loud that you secretly held inside. He made you feel seen. You weren’t feeling particularly powerful and he burst in saying he’d take the reins. Well, he did. He took you, us, our whole group, our whole world, and slammed us around for the entire length of your relationship. All it’s done is make us feel far apart and less powerful. Don’t you miss having your cortisol levels being in the normal zone? Don’t you miss assuming strangers are decent instead of identifying their red hat or mask as the enemy? Don’t you miss peace?

If you’ve been questioning your feelings about his words and actions, but haven’t been sure if you’d have a place to go if you broke up with him, I think I speak for all the gang when I say, there is life after that asshole.

I think you should break up with him.

Don’t cry. Or do. Cry for all the false promises, all the hateful bile he poured out into the world that you wanted to believe was an anomaly because it was convenient to. Cry for the last straw that is also the first step.

There are other men out there who will treat you better. Men who know how to smile. Men who like dogs. Men with intelligence and compassion. I’ll help you create an account on the newest dating app:

FaceTime me after you read this.

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Tags: anger, assholes, break ups, cortisol, dogs, ego, hair, Joe Biden, last straw, liar, mirrors, money, monsters, self-centered, uneducated, user

4 thoughts on “Break Up With Your Boyfriend”


    And be glad, that when you break up with him we have the Affordable Care Act that will pay for your therapy, which surely the entire country will need.

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