Rachel Pollon, telling it like it is, was, might be, she wishes

we tweet

“as published on”

badass chick

Three Songs I Can Imagine Being Played Over The Sound System As I Walked To The Mound If I Was a Major League Baseball Relief Pitcher

Baseball. America’s pastime. Where Americans come to pass their time. Three hours worth, usually. And thus when I find myself in the midst of a stadium where the game of baseball is being played, a sport where, let’s face it, the majority of that time quite a lot of concentration needs to be employed in …

Three Songs I Can Imagine Being Played Over The Sound System As I Walked To The Mound If I Was a Major League Baseball Relief Pitcher Read More »

that guy from Swingers

Area Woman, Rejected By McSweeney’s,
Comes Close to Totally Reenacting That Scene from Swingers

Area woman and aspiring writer Jodi Tannenbaum, after a third attempt at getting published by the literary website McSweeney’s (in its “Lists” section), found herself “totally in the middle of that scene from Swingers.” “You know that famous scene,” she said, “where the guy, not Vince Vaughn… the other guy…he calls a girl he likes …

Area Woman, Rejected By McSweeney’s,
Comes Close to Totally Reenacting That Scene from Swingers
Read More »

How I Imagine a Typical Fight Goes Between the Couple in Arcade Fire

She is engrossed in some sort of looming or woodworking that requires her to wear a bib. He, in overalls with only one strap fastened, is hammering out a poem. Stuck, he can’t find something pleasing that rhymes with “endeavor.” She suggests “forever.” He whispers something under his breath, then raises it an octave and …

How I Imagine a Typical Fight Goes Between the Couple in Arcade Fire Read More »

Working Title: May I Pitch You Just a Few of My TV Show Ideas?

Hey guys, So, I’ve been brainstorming. Rolling around some ideas for a possible – gawd, this sounds, I don’t know, pretentious? – television script to develop. I’ve been trying to figure out which one (ones?) to more fully flesh out. It’s a little hard to be objective about my own work, especially when the subjects …

Working Title: May I Pitch You Just a Few of My TV Show Ideas? Read More »

Transcript of Paul Ryan’s Side of the Conversation When He Called His Mom to Ask If She’d Join Him in Florida

Hey Mom! Paul. Paul, your son. I know, bad connection sometimes on the Bluetooth. It’s a phone thing. How are you? I said, how are you. You good? Good. You are? What are you planting? Cabbage, huh. Do you eat a lot of cabbage? Yeah, it is kind of pretty. So, listen, Mom, I was …

Transcript of Paul Ryan’s Side of the Conversation When He Called His Mom to Ask If She’d Join Him in Florida Read More »

ATTN: John Bowles/Lobbyist for American Nazi Party RE: Let me be your Social Media Wizard

Dear Lobbyist Bowles, I recently read about the exciting new venture your organization is embarking on and am very interested in the Social Media position you are no doubt preparing to establish. Having just graduated from the number one party school in the entire southwest, I am eager for an opportunity to get my foot in the …

ATTN: John Bowles/Lobbyist for American Nazi Party RE: Let me be your Social Media Wizard Read More »

Watching the Last Fifteen Minutes of Sarah Palin Co-Hosting “The Today Show”

On Monday, my friend Polly informed me, via Facebook wall post, that Sarah Palin would be co-hosting the Today Show the following morning. On Tuesday, I woke up feeling conflicted. I didn’t want to watch. I wanted to wish it into the cornfield. Palin is a polarizing figure, and she has polarized the very crap out of …

Watching the Last Fifteen Minutes of Sarah Palin Co-Hosting “The Today Show” Read More »

Ultimately Inappropriate Yet Oddly Fitting 2012 Presidential Campaign Theme Song Suggestions…

Lists. We all make them. We couldn’t verily live without them. Things we need from Rite Aid. Demands we want met before submitting to a lie detector test. Questions we don’t want to forget to ask our parole officer. Sometimes we’re a part of a list: Best Looking. Class Clown. Most Wanted. Lists make the …

Ultimately Inappropriate Yet Oddly Fitting 2012 Presidential Campaign Theme Song Suggestions… Read More »

Michael Steele of The Bangles vs. Michael Steele Republican Party

Michael Steele, former bass player for the eighties pop group The Bangles, released a statement this afternoon informing the world at large that due to recent and negative events in the world of politics she has made the decision to formally and legally change her name. Below is the transcript of her statement, read live to …

Michael Steele of The Bangles vs. Michael Steele Republican Party Read More »

Just A Few Of The Lies I’ve Told That Will Prevent Me From Ever Becoming Vice President – AKA My Charlie Gibson Interview

Mr. Gibson requested that he be able to observe me in my natural habitat. Due to the relocation of my family members, and the dissolution of our family compound, this interview took place over two days at Solley’s Deli in Encino, California. A place my family and I inhabited frequently during my most formative years. …

Just A Few Of The Lies I’ve Told That Will Prevent Me From Ever Becoming Vice President – AKA My Charlie Gibson Interview Read More »

Scroll to Top